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[versusnurture]

[Abigail knows, now, that it's only a matter of time. He's been allowed into the kitchen. He won't show his true face, but one way or another, he'll start working on people. Ripping them apart, one way or another. Making them see too much of themselves until they eat themselves up from the inside, or worse. And she doesn't know, even now, if she wants to help him or if she wants to run.]

[She's tired of being prey, tired of being helpless, tired of being alone and crazy, and most of all she doesn't want people to know - so why has she been telling them? Why did she tell Arkin, why did she let Zane find out? Why is Ben, who has power, letting this happen?]

[She is afraid, so she ties a bright blue scarf around her neck and makes deliberate appearances in several common rooms, the cafeteria, the greenhouse, and the library, a copy of Jane Eyre tucked under her arm. She's quiet when it's appropriate, polite or even chatty when someone approaches her. But there's something not quite right about the set of her smile, to those who know her very well or look very closely, and her heart beats like a rabbit's every time she sees someone new.]

for ben } thursday

[After Riddick finds her, Abigail thinks about the situation for a while. No, she doesn't trust Ben. She doesn't really trust anyone. But Riddick had at least one point: he seems to have decent motives. He seems to care. And maybe that means she's going about this all wrong. Maybe he's more Will than Hannibal. Or like Alana, even: smart and capable but with a part of him that can't see through what Abigail holds on the outside.]

[He has trouble, she knows, with touch. But he's sweet anyway. He cares.]

[She waits for him outside the kitchen, when his shift is over, hands twisting in the hem of her shirt, eyes on the floor.]

Comments

[versusnurture]

[It takes her a moment to decide how to respond to this. She bows her head.]

I think I'm going on a diet.

[themissingpiece]

[Oh, he probably shouldn't have smiled just a little over that.]

Yeah, thinking about skipping a meal myself. Have one of those little mini-fridges, might start keeping some stuff in there.

[versusnurture]

[Oh, okay, well. She's smiling too. You are her favorite, Arkin.]

Yeah, I might. I might put things in there, too. If there's room.

[themissingpiece]

Should be.

[Because half the time Arkin keeps nothing in the thing because he always steals Natasha's kitchen.]

Got a hot plate too. I probably should ask the Admiral for a better place, but that happened to be where I was living at the time.

[versusnurture]

It's okay. I was in a mental hospital. Yours is better.

[She bites her lip, wanting to ask why he talked to Hannibal at all, but - well. She can't, not here.]

Did your daughter ever have nightmares?

[themissingpiece]

My last place was worse. [Can't get worse than the red trunk.]

[He nods about the question.] Yeah. She did. Got worse when I went to prison.

[versusnurture]

How did you make them stop?

[themissingpiece]

She'd come sleep in our room. Got worse because I wasn't there.

[His face gets a bit more serious. He is talking about his daughter. His own nightmares are a different story. What he does for those he's not saying in public.]

[versusnurture]

[She remembers doing that with her parents, back when she was young, before everything started. The last year has overshadowed everything else, but she still remembers, more or less.]

What if they're real? [A small, false smile.] I mean, here, anything could happen, right?

[themissingpiece]

[He mulls over it, choosing his words.]

My nightmares are real.

[versusnurture]

What do you do?

-- You don't have to tell me.

[themissingpiece]

[He shrugs a little.]

Depends on the nightmare. Most of what I do... [his voice lowers] ...it isn't healthy. It just keeps me going.

I don't recommend it unless you got no other choice.

[versusnurture]

What other choice do you see?

[themissingpiece]

For you? I wouldn't know. I don't know enough yet. It's something for your Warden to look into.

I told you about my deal. The more nightmares I have, the more detailed his final days will be.

[versusnurture]

Yeah.

[A thought occurs. She smiles again.]

Maybe I can help.

[themissingpiece]

Yeah? How's that?

[versusnurture]

I have a lot of nightmares. To give you details.

[themissingpiece]

[He thinks about it, almost saying something then stopping himself. He fidgets with his hands for a few seconds then answers.]

Only works if I'm after the guy who caused them.

[versusnurture]

[She pauses, looking down at her lap.]

You don't think you could use it yourself?

[And back up, eyes wide and dark.]

Just for yourself?

[themissingpiece]

[He looks very troubled for a moment.] Thing is... I reflect things back. Send them right back where they came from.

I don't think you realize what you're asking. Or if you do, you don't care or don't know what keeping that stuff will do to you.

[versusnurture]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be asking you for anything. It's not fair, you have enough to deal with.

I do care. I do. I think you're probably the only person here I trust.

[themissingpiece]

It's fine.

If I go for anyone who isn't the guy I'm after. I gotta be certain. I'll do whatever that guy did right back at him. It's not healthy, but it's how I work.

[versusnurture]

Yeah. It's how you have to work.

[To survive. Like how she has to be her father, just a little bit, to keep going. She does understand.]

[She lays her hand lightly on his arm.]

You do what you need to do, okay? It's not wrong.

[themissingpiece]

[He sighs a little]

Thank you. I know it is but... I'm not coming out clean on the other side, y'know? [He smiles because it's funny. Become the monster to kill the monster.]

I'll get my deal and come back as an inmate. I'll feel bad whoever ends up with me. [Kinda joking. Not really. Mostly joking?]

[versusnurture]

They'll be lucky to have you.

[She means this. Seriously and honestly. Although it barely makes sense.]