versusnurture | fourteen ♢ text & audio & spam

spam } open

[She wakes up screaming at what is, relatively speaking, three in the morning. It's a nightmare, the first really bad one since she died. She tries to remember what it was, what exactly, but it's all a blur; she remembers screaming in the dream, too; she remembers a lure; she remembers blood, lots of blood; she remembers a song. Ein Männlein steht im Walde . . . She remembers not being able to breathe. She remembers her mouth was full.]

[The first few nights, she calls people. She asks for help. After that, she wanders the halls, unable to get back to sleep, unwilling to lie in the dark any longer. Her hair is tied back, a scarf tucked around her shoulders, but her scar still stands out against the pale clamminess of her neck.]

audio } ben

[Night one, she calls Ben. She is crying, her voice muffled (she is using the bear as a pillow, as something with which to dry her tears).]

I'm not hurt. [She has to clarify this first, so he doesn't fear for her, so he doesn't hurt for her. This is how she protects him.] But I need you. Please. If - it's not too late.

audio } blight

[It's instinct to contact him. Maybe it's bad instinct. But it's what she reaches for the second night, once she's calmed herself down enough that she's no longer hyperventilating. Once she feels mostly human again.]

[It's midnight. She sounds as chipper as if it was noon.]

What do you know about brain chemistry?

text, filtered away from hannibal } public, april 7

who has nightmares

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You can pick any nightmare you want, to start with, as long as you remember enough of it. Then you write everything down. [She remembers how difficult that was. Dreams were always the aberration; the one thing she couldn't remember with complete clarity. It stopped being so frustrating, eventually.]

Then you figure out how to change it. [She considers, for a moment. An example would help, probably.] Say you're about to get shot. But this time, the bullet misses, and you punch him in the face.

After that - you just focus on that alternate version, for a few minutes each day.

It sounds too easy.

[She is prone to be suspicious of simplicity.]

That's what I thought. But sometimes the simple solutions are the best ones.

I'll try it, I guess. It can't hurt.

[It can just make her incredibly frustrated, but she already is that.]

No, it can't.

If you need any help with it - or if you just want to talk - I'm available.

Okay. Thank you.

I'm sorry for being [what? what is she? prickly? mean? cruel?] rude.

No problem. Compared to some people on this ship, you're Miss Sunshine.

I'm Barbara, by the way.

Abigail.

I don't really want to be Miss Sunshine, either, but I guess it's better than it could be.

It's good to find a balance. Don't blind yourself to everything that's wrong, but - don't get lost in it, either.

What do you enjoy, Abigail?

Enjoy? I don't know.

Reading. Being outside. Really outside, not in the CES. That doesn't count.

What kind of books do you like?

...Can't help with outside, at least not until we dock again.

I haven't found many I don't like. I guess nothing too postmodern.

I can only take that in small doses myself.

Okay - is there any type of book you haven't read? Maybe we can expand your horizons.

Not a lot of poetry.

Great. Not the majority of my library, but I've got some good ones.

fourteen ♢ text & audio & spam

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