nineteen ♢ video

[versusnurture]

[When the feed comes on, the first thing there is is a wall and half of a desk. Those people on board who've been inside will know it as Abigail's room. There's a small blood smear on the edge of the desk, another dark spot on the corner of the lens.]

[She doesn't turn it towards herself, but the camera does move towards the desk, is set down at the edge of it. Two hands appear in the frame, blood-caked, palm-up. There's blood under her nails, too, drier blood that's oxidized to a deep, almost black color.]

[She doesn't say anything. But after a moment, there's a strangled noise, and she knocks the camera off the desk. The briefest flash of dark hair and a pale face; then it hits the floor and shuts off.]

Comments

spam }

[semifreakingnormal]

It's okay.

[He keeps repeating those two words softly, but he doesn't try to quiet her. He remembers breaking down. He remembers crying in his mom's arms. Sometimes you just can't stop it.

When his hand brushes the back of her neck, he can feel some of that ache, and he takes it, removes one part of this meltdown. He's used to his chest aching, by now.]

spam }

[versusnurture]

[Eventually her sobs get weak, slow down. Some of it's because he's taking the ache. She can breathe normally again. But she doesn't understand what he's doing, doesn't even realize he's doing anything. If she did, she'd thank him, but she'd be afraid, too. New things frighten her now, at the same time as she's curious.]

[She doesn't pull away yet, just sniffles into his neck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.]

I killed . . . someone.

spam }

[semifreakingnormal]

[He doesn't draw back, and when the majority of the pain is gone, he slides his hand away, wraps it around her shoulders instead. He doesn't answer right away, remembering what she told him the last time he hugged her, in the middle of the night, a year ago. More, maybe, or less - it's too confused now.]

How come?

spam }

[versusnurture]

Because . . .

[She draws in a shuddering breath, breathes in the deodorant-and-boy-sweat smell of him. If only she could be safe. If only--]

Because someone told me to.

spam }

[semifreakingnormal]

[Her entire life is so incredibly foreign to him. He struggles. Someone told her to, and she just did it, that's so wrong but - Abigail isn't bad, he's so sure of that. She's not a bad person. Which means there's more to it, but he can't wrap his head around the scope.]

Was someone gonna hurt you, if you didn't?

spam }

[versusnurture]

Yeah.

[She buries her face in his shoulder, not looking out at the world. When he's here, she feels like she can safely hide, even if just for a minute.]

He was gonna kill me.

But it doesn't matter. I still did it. [Because part of her wanted to, too. Part of her wanted to make him happy.]

spam }

[semifreakingnormal]

[He runs his hand over her hair a few times, careful to keep his breathing even and his heart steady.]

You were protecting yourself. That matters.

spam }

[versusnurture]

But you wouldn't do it like that.

spam }

[semifreakingnormal]

I'm not you. I wasn't there, I don't know what I'd do. I'm...I'm sorry you had to choose. That's not....that's so messed up.

spam }

[versusnurture]

[She pulls back a little, looks at him carefully, as though inspecting some priceless work of art. Her expression is almost pitying. He just doesn't understand. He never will.]

[It's okay, it really is, it's just - she wishes someone did. At the same time she wishes no one ever will.]

[She reaches out to pat his cheek, his jaw, where hair grows when he becomes an animal. She remembers that. He isn't quite human. Neither is she.]

You're a good friend.

spam }

[semifreakingnormal]

[His arms tighten around her in a brief squeeze, and he leans into her hand a little shyly. It took a long time for him to be comfortable with what he is, and it still scares him sometimes.]

You're a good person.