versusnurture | twenty-four ♢ spam & video & gift list

[Healing comes on her quicker than she had expected. She isn't healed, but healing is happening to her. To her, a process she feels she has no control over. It seems sacrilegious, missing the people she came to see as family less on certain days, more on others. She believes that grief should be a constant stream. She believes it should be as perfect as she can't be.]

[It's on the days that she misses Hannibal the least that she feels the most volatile, that she could hurt someone if they looked at her wrong. It's on those days that she's a little afraid of herself, and a little proud - for still possessing those urges, for not succumbing to them.]

[She hangs around the Enclosure, waiting to be let in, not sure if she'll be trusted with that freedom by anyone but the people who know her, the people she's tricked or the people she's let in. She wants to go hiking. She wants to go hunting. She wants to feel power in her hands or in the churn of her legs over rough terrain.]

[She has no idea what she wants.]

private } ben, backdated pre-breach

We have to talk. About Jerry.

private } admiral

You obviously need some new baking equipment, since you spend so much of your time giving us baked goods. Do something nice for yourself.

For Ceres, pressed rosehips in glass.

For Andrew, a Super 8 camera and playback equipment.

For Arkin, new henleys. An empty photo album, with a lock. A glass figurine of a realistic heart.

For Ben, new clothes, a kind he's never tried before. Maybe button-downs. A copy of Aesop's Fables.

For Luna, glitter paint, fan brushes, a deer mask.

For Gwen, pretty cashmere scarves in pastels.

For Anya, silver hair pins. Sharp ones, shaped like beech leaves.

For Helena, a silver cross pendant.

For Dillon, I want to get him something he can't fix, but I don't know what that is. So warm wool sweaters, red and gray.

For Scott, pictures of his mom. Pictures of Jack. All smiling.

For Arthas, pictures of the people he's lost this year. Even if he doesn't want them.

And for Cambridge, that "from the desk of" stationary, cream-colored, fancy and stiff.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Instantly, though Ben is wary. The subject of Jerry was one of their fracture points before, and he still remembers why he wanted her cabin moved in the first place.]

Abigail.

He's made threats against Dillon's friends. I don't know whether to think they're probably nothing or not, because it sounds like he's having a fit, but it's also him.

I don't want to run from this kind of thing anymore, Ben. I want to have a strategy.

...Of course he has.

[But he listens, and is rewarded with faint, distinct relief of hearing that she wants to be deliberate.

This may still turn out poorly for Jerry, but Ben much prefers strategy and logic to unaimed lashing out and the downward spiral of fear.]

I agree that is likely the best course of action. Do you have any preliminary thoughts?

He's only human now. You could break his neck if you had to. [This she says with utter dispassion.] But I don't want you to have to. That shouldn't have to be your responsibility.

I'm armed. But I want a taser, too, and I want to restart self-defense classes. So I can break his neck if somebody needs to.

[Ben does not point out that Jerry would not need to be human for Ben to break his neck if he had to; it's not the point, and he's distracted by the rest of what she has to say.

Because he is who he is, he's able to neatly straddle the line between being displeased that Abigail needs any of this, and understanding completely why it is not only necessary but practical and... pride worthy.]

Do you have someone in mind for the self-defense classes? I will request whatever you would like from the Admiral if I do not have it at my disposal, weapons-wise.

No. No one. I don't trust any of the people who are really well-trained, and I--

[Something occurs to her.]

Barbara. Maybe. Does she teach that? I don't know. If not her, then you have to pick and I'll just trust your recommendation.

I can certainly ask her. She would be a good choice, and useful in many ways supplementary to active self defense if not directly.

I have a few people in mind I might ask otherwise.

[Ben himself is always an option, if all else fails; he doesn't suggest or point this out, either, not the least because he doesn't think the others will refuse. There are still options.]

Okay.

[She settles down now, somewhat, just the knowledge that Ben is working on that comfort for her. Not that she doubted he'd take this seriously; it's just different, imagining it and watching it happen. Watching Ben work is a balm for her nerves. He's so steadfast and serious, and she can't help but love him for it.]

Who are you thinking of?

[Abigail's reaction feeds Ben's, in turn: she relaxes and so he settles to the harness, so to speak, certain that he's on the right path. She is comforted, so now he must simply proceed, which is in turn comforting to him.

Ben likes knowing where true north is, when he can. When he can't, he is no longer completely incapable of making up his own coordinates, but it's far preferable to know that he is going in the correct direction.]

The two best options are not far removed from Barbara: Stephanie Brown is well trained and willing. Cassandra Cain is one of the most capable combatants on board.

[Her father is here, too, but Ben isn't even considering him, for several reasons. If Abigail is going to collect father figures - and she will, just as he once collected authority figures - it won't be Ben that introduces the two of them.

Saying their names aloud settles it for him, however.]

I will ask Cassandra first. Stephanie has not publicly offered to train others.

[The fact that they're both from Gotham settles Abigail's nerves even more. Everything connected to that place is positive for her, even if not completely. She believes that the nature of the city is not far removed from her own nature, that it's complex, multifaceted, dark and dangerous. That there is more to learn from it than to fear from it, but not much more - plenty to fear, after all, in a city so cruel.]

[She feels positively, too, about Ben's ultimate choice, and smiles briefly, faintly. She seems tired, but pleased.]

I talked to Cass. On my first day. Right before I talked to you. She was sweet.

[Too sweet. Too clever. Abigail wants to know more about her.]

[Ben, watching her, nods subtly but decisively.]

She can be. She is also one of the most capable fighters on board the ship.

Anya trusts her. We have not had much cause to speak, but I do, too.

[They are too much the same and yet too different to successfully interact, much. It is that similar background that he also hopes in an obscure, unformed way that he hopes will benefit Abigail in the long run - and perhaps Cass, too.]

Do you require any further security measures in the interim?

[She shakes her head, already feeling more secure in her decisiveness.]

No. Nothing right now. I just . . . needed to know that you were still in my corner.

Thank you.

Abigail, I am always in your corner.

I know, Ben. I know. And the reason I know is because I needed you and you were there.

Sometimes I just need to be reassured. But I trust you. More than anybody.

I know. But sometimes it needs to be stated as well as shown, to continue to be worthy of that trust.

You're the worthiest person I've ever known.

You deserve at least that much.

twenty-four ♢ spam & video & gift list

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]

[ Private ]