Entries tagged with i have seen sights & been scared

fourteen ♢ text & audio & spam

spam } open

[She wakes up screaming at what is, relatively speaking, three in the morning. It's a nightmare, the first really bad one since she died. She tries to remember what it was, what exactly, but it's all a blur; she remembers screaming in the dream, too; she remembers a lure; she remembers blood, lots of blood; she remembers a song. Ein Männlein steht im Walde . . . She remembers not being able to breathe. She remembers her mouth was full.]

[The first few nights, she calls people. She asks for help. After that, she wanders the halls, unable to get back to sleep, unwilling to lie in the dark any longer. Her hair is tied back, a scarf tucked around her shoulders, but her scar still stands out against the pale clamminess of her neck.]

( private for ben & derek powers )

text, filtered away from hannibal } public, april 7

who has nightmares

Entry tags:

eleven ♢ spam, private + open

spam } open

[The mask is secured in her room before she goes anywhere. She goes back to check on it frequently, bordering on obsessively, straightening it in its place of pride hung above her desk. She wonders what it's like to live life, day in, day out, in a few square feet, never allowed to breathe free air but through that grille. It's so much easier to imagine through Hannibal's eyes than Will's. She never imagined it would be.]

[She knew there was another man here who went by his name, but he never seemed real. Now - even though this artifact was never his - now it feels like a real, possible future.]

[What she doesn't do is lose time. She walks with even breath and utter confidence, anywhere and everywhere, feeling the simple joy of movement. She is afraid of nothing. She looks people in the eye, even if only for fleeting moments as she passes, and she doesn't even consider pulling a scarf on over the scar on her neck.]

( spam } alana & ben )

Entry tags:

nine ♢ spam

spam } zero, saturday 23-tuesday 26

[Forty-eight hours after she walks into Zero, Ben lets her have visitors. She won't ask anyone who enters to leave - she knows, in an abstract way, that a lot of people will be angry about what she's done. They should be. And for the time being, she can distance herself from public opinion, at least for the most part.]

[Her responsiveness varies based on who comes to see her, how in the moment she can manage to be when they come in. Whether she's been drifting beforehand. But she tries, at least, to look people in the eye and answer them.]

( spam } zane )

spam } tuesday 26-thursday 28

[After which she spends most of the rest of the week in her room. It's partially hiding, partially trying to remember how to think straight.]

[On Thursday she only loses time once, and only for a few minutes. She feels grounded, then, enough to walk to the dining hall and back - a concerted effort. She's still terrified, probably more so than before. But it has to happen sometime.]

fourteen ♢ text & audio & spam

eleven ♢ spam, private + open

nine ♢ spam

eighth ♢ private + spam