versusnurture | fourth ♢ spam

[Abigail knows, now, that it's only a matter of time. He's been allowed into the kitchen. He won't show his true face, but one way or another, he'll start working on people. Ripping them apart, one way or another. Making them see too much of themselves until they eat themselves up from the inside, or worse. And she doesn't know, even now, if she wants to help him or if she wants to run.]

[She's tired of being prey, tired of being helpless, tired of being alone and crazy, and most of all she doesn't want people to know - so why has she been telling them? Why did she tell Arkin, why did she let Zane find out? Why is Ben, who has power, letting this happen?]

[She is afraid, so she ties a bright blue scarf around her neck and makes deliberate appearances in several common rooms, the cafeteria, the greenhouse, and the library, a copy of Jane Eyre tucked under her arm. She's quiet when it's appropriate, polite or even chatty when someone approaches her. But there's something not quite right about the set of her smile, to those who know her very well or look very closely, and her heart beats like a rabbit's every time she sees someone new.]

for ben } thursday

[After Riddick finds her, Abigail thinks about the situation for a while. No, she doesn't trust Ben. She doesn't really trust anyone. But Riddick had at least one point: he seems to have decent motives. He seems to care. And maybe that means she's going about this all wrong. Maybe he's more Will than Hannibal. Or like Alana, even: smart and capable but with a part of him that can't see through what Abigail holds on the outside.]

[He has trouble, she knows, with touch. But he's sweet anyway. He cares.]

[She waits for him outside the kitchen, when his shift is over, hands twisting in the hem of her shirt, eyes on the floor.]

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No.

[She feels like it would be safer to leave. But she also doesn't want to. He's been kind to her - but surely there's a catch.]

[She shifts her weight awkwardly.]

Her, then?

[The rabbit.]

No, no. I like her. She's pretty.

[Abigail knows how to skin a rabbit in several different ways. She looks away from Dani, eyes half-lidded and expression distant.]

I thought you would probably hate mine.

I know where you are, because I was there. Most of my life I was there. You believe what you're told because anything else means you're - bad. Wrong. Evil.

I don't hate you. I also can't force you to confront it.

No. You can't.

[She tilts her head. There's part of it that's - not quite right.]

I know I'm evil.

Then why do you justify it?

Because it feels a little better, that way.

So you don't know. You just think it.

Either way, it's easy to think you're all evil or nothing evil. You're shades of gray. The hard part is pinning down the shades. I can't make you do that either.

But can you see them? The shades? So many people don't want to, or can't, or . . .

[She shrugs.]

You might be full of it.

Half the time I think I'm bad enough that I'll never come back. Half the time I think it was anyone's fault but mine. There are little times in between when I can figure out how to draw the lines.

It's my fault and someone else's too. It's both. Knowing that doesn't help.

Maybe it will.

It's been long enough that I don't believe it will.

How old are you?

Eighteen.

[ :| fight her ]

I'm twenty-two, and my whole life changed in the last six months.

Which negates my experience how?

[ He gives her a flat look. ]

Is my question invalid?

You're talking like I'm trying to erase what happened to you. I'm not. I'm saying when you're alive, things can always change. It doesn't mean they will. But they can.

Mmm.

I'm sure you know best.

If you don't want to listen or talk, then go. I'm not tying you here.

Why do we have to talk? Why can't we just be? If you honestly don't hate me, then why do you have to try to convince me one way or the other when I'm standing near you?

Because I'm trying to find out my truth. And I don't get anywhere if I don't push.

It's not your responsibility to push me.

[She sighs, suddenly looking - exhausted.]

When people push me, I snap.

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godsays - 2013-09-28 03:02 (UTC) - Expand