twelve ♢ video

[versusnurture]

Whoever's out there: I want to talk to you.

[And she does mean everyone. People she loved, people she hated, people who were meaningless to her, people whose names she never knew but who knew hers, the dead (by her hands or Garret's or Hannibal's - whoever is out there.]

[She's starved for information.]

Comments

[kissthatgoodbye]

That's very inclusive of you.

[versusnurture]

I'm a very inclusive person.

[Don't you sass her, you lil shit.]

You can't trick me. You're not Ben.

[kissthatgoodbye]

Who's trying to trick you? I wouldn't want to be Ben even if I had the choice. Too many marbles still in the bag.

[He can't help it; he opens his mouth, sass comes out instead of CO2.]

My name's Alec.

[versusnurture]

You have terrible judgment.

My name's Abigail. [It is not very nice to meet you.]

[kissthatgoodbye]

What, by not trying to trick you? Harsh crowd.

[Clearly. He's used to it.]

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[designates]

[ talk? talk's cheap. talk's cheaper than stolen midnight glances on ward-sanctioned computers at Freddie Lounds' website, looking for details and debates on the state of his sanity. if she wants to talk, she can talk.

Will's got a better question. ]

But do you want to listen?

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[versusnurture]

[Will.]

[Her breath catches. Yes. Will, she wanted to talk to more than anyone, Will she needs to understand most, Will she hates and loves and hates and envies and Will is here.]

[Not here, she reminds herself. Somewhere. But not here.]

I want to do both.

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[designates]

[ hah. hahah, ha. now she wants to talk.

now. she wants to talk. and listen. now that she's a bad memory and a failure on his behalf and now that he regurgitated the taste of her (literally) defiance upon waking up from one too many bad dreams. now that she's nothing more than a hallucination and he knows that when he opens his eyes, really opens them, he'll be facing the same few feet by few feet and spending the entire day trying not to put his fist through the wall.

but yeah. sure. he'll indulge his (overactive) imagination. ]

Okay. Let's talk. [ through grit teeth: ] How are you, Abigail?

[ Not Here ]

[warisart]

[At least, not for the moment. But he's watching.]

[ Not Here ]

[designates]

[ watch away buddy bro, he's got an entire staff of mental health faculty watching him eat, piss, and sleep so ]

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[versusnurture]

Bad.

[This she can say instantly. Bad, bad, bad. Dangerously awful, and Will being here - isn't helping. She's sure. Maybe it's making everything worse.]

[She smiles at him nevertheless, and tears start at the corner of her eyes, because - she missed him, oh god, this whole time. Knowing where he was.]

You're bad, too. Aren't you.

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[designates]

[ if he were another man, he might quip back with something sharp and caustic. but it's Will Graham, and despite the muzzle, he's not the kind of dog to bite. ]

The sum of my happiness could be collected on the head of pin. [ the way her voice breaks at the edges and the glassiness of her eyes isn't lost on Will. it's not hard to empathise with a killer.

but it is hard to care about one. ]

I'm not doing well, no.

private vidya

[youwill]

[He is enjoying, immensely enjoying watching him talk to her. Watching what they do. But what is most satisfying, what makes him feel light and content and utterly at ease is to see where Will is.

The Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.

Which means everything went as planned. It worked. A near death experience may have put him here, for the time being, but the world believes that Will Graham is mad. And he has the opportunity now to sketch patterns through that madness.]

Will.

[He is so painfully pleased to see his friend again.]

[designates]

[ it figures that even in the sanctity of his dreams, Hannibal violates his space and shatters his illusions of a peaceful sleep. that after the beads of sweat Abigail and her friends wrenched from his tired body, Hannibal would be the one to dehydrate him, the one to make him go into shock. the one to send him into a panic attack. the grinning face of the Cheshire cat to help him lose his way amidst his nightmares.

but enough with the metaphors. it's not the first time he's seen him here, like this. it won't be the last. Will offers him his usual deadeye stare and expressionless lips, betraying nothing except in the twitch of muscles at the edge of his jaw when he clenches it. ]

Dr. Lecter.

[ his tone is dead, and this is routine. almost comfortable. it always follows with the same nightmare fuel, and even if it doesn't, his voice alone is enough to ruin all closure he's sought with Abigail. which in a way, makes this worse than the dreams of his own intestines spun like thread around Hannibal's fingertips. and allows him a single, mistaken moment of vulnerability: ]

I don't want to do this. Not tonight. [ go away. he regrets it the instant he's said it. but he knows he can't take it back. ]

[youwill]

[There are no bone walls in Will Graham's mind high enough to keep Hannibal out. He is pervasive, he has inserted himself into the crevices of Will's brain and invaded his thoughts and he does not intend to extricate himself.

He hears it in the phrase, in the words themselves, with such noise and such clarity that it's like reading a book. His smile does not widen, but internally, he is grinning.

Will thinks he is dreaming all of this.]

I'm afraid procrastinating won't help either of us. Why do you want me to leave? [As if he doesn't know, but it's not the reason itself he's interested in, it's the way Will words things, the way he can twist those words into something useful.]

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[crimetattler]

My thoughts exactly.

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[youwill]

Ms. Lounds. What a pleasant surprise.

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[crimetattler]

Dr. Lecter.

[ I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP ABORT ABORT ABORT ]

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[youwill]

[MOST APPROPRIATE REACTION.]

I hope your recent journalistic endeavors have been more upright than our last meeting implied.

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[versusnurture]

So talk. I'll listen.

[Steadfastly ignoring Hannibal.]

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[crimetattler]

Where are you? Why here?

I still want to help you, but I'm going to need all of the facts, Abigail.

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[versusnurture]

You can't help me here. That's not much of a motivator. Don't you know better than to offer help when it's impossible?

[dividedloyalties]

You don't.

[versusnurture]

Thank you for telling me what I want.

[Sugary-sweet.]

[dividedloyalties]

Tch. You don't know who is out here, human. There are forces bigger than either of us that like to take any invitation they can.