versusnurture | sixteen ♢ spam & voice

infirmary spam } after mirror barge

[Dying the second time . . . honestly, it wasn't as bad. This feels like a strange thing to think, but it's most of what she thinks in those days of the death toll that feel like death isn't quite over yet.]

[The difference is, her first death, her real one, was intimate. This was a mercy, sort of, and she doesn't totally regret it, but it wasn't. It wasn't.]

[The same.]

[It wasn't family.]

[She lies back in the infirmary bed and stares at the ceiling with a soft smile. It's very impersonal here, but that's a relief in its own way, too. She's not the only person who died, not by a long shot. She's not the person most choose to focus their attentions on.]

[She can just rest.]

spam } blight

[It's a few days after everything clicks back into shape that Abigail works up the energy needed for speech. She doesn't go back to her cabin, although she sort of wants to. There are pros and cons to everything, she thinks, and the pros of staying in the infirmary outweigh the cons by far.]

[Blight is here, for example. She can see him from across the room. His presence makes her feel safe, in a backwards way, simply because she knows he isn't what he was. He will not protect her, but he will be reeling as much as anyone else. Maybe more. He doesn't seem like a man who likes to lose control.]

[One more day, and she hoists herself up out of the bed and makes her way over to his. A soft, quick smile - an exhausted one.]

Who got you?

spam } hannibal

[She knows he isn't welcome in the infirmary. That's part of the reason she stayed. But halfway through her stay, she did begin to regret it. Because . . .]

[This death lacked intimacy. That's one reason. No one sang her songs. No one told her everything was going to be all right. No one apologized. There was no sense of closure.]

[And because he frightens her at the same time he comforts her. Because the uncertainty and insecurity of her relationship with Hannibal Lecter is secured with a love that doesn't seem to die.]

[When she is well enough to walk, she walks to his cabin, and she knocks on his door.]

inmate filter } minus hannibal

I know a lot of people who are here being - punished, or whatever - they've killed people.

How many of you hunted them?

private } ceres

I'm interested in your answer especially.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Of killing, or being killed?

[ He knows she's died. That it can be hard. He went into his first toll willingly, when he was low. It's hard to believe it was nearly a year ago that he first arrived here. ]

[On the other end, she smirks.]

Yes.

[Though more the first than the second, truthfully. She still doesn't like dying.]

Good.

[ Nobody likes dying; here it's doubly pointless. It's a frustration on top of insult. ]

Why do you have hunting on your mind?

When don't I have hunting on my mind?

When you're sleeping?

[ Just a thought. ]

[She laughs, quiet and humorless. On the contrary.]

That's what I thought.

[ No judgment. Just his odd affection for her. ]

Ben is going to take me hunting. So it's on my mind more, now.

He wants me to face it head-on. I think he's right. But I can think he's right and be scared at the same time.

Yes, you can.

[ It can even be smart. ]

I went with my father and grandfather, a few times. Mostly to keep the farm clear of foxes and wild dogs. Sometimes deer.

I'm good at it. I'm an excellent hunter.

[Maybe too good. That's sort of the problem.]

I'm going to learn . . . precision. Are you a precision hunter?

I am. I don't kill without cause... [ Even if the cause is as simple as the coin, it's still a cause. ] Spraying and praying is for the mooks.

Learned rifles a few years ago. You don't get more precise than killing a person from a mile away.

I can't kill from that range. Maybe I'll learn. But I don't think it's very - personal.

[And she likes personal. The perfect marriage of intimacy and precision, that's what she wants. Anything less is unacceptable.]

I understand that; I was less than ten feet from Maroni when he died.

[ He prefers the close-up kill. ]

More satisfying?

Definitely. Two in the head. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

And the other people you've killed?

Depends. Mostly it's up close. I prefer handguns, but I use others. Not that I haven't gotten my hands on a few. Bat a couple of times, other tools. Two-Face has a creative side.

Hannibal asked me how I'd kill him.

[ Harvey keeps his hate banked. Barely. ]

And how did you answer?

I wouldn't tell him. I said it would have to be a surprise.

But it would be up close. With a blade.

I thought if anyone should know, it should be you.

Thank you for that.

[ He pauses tilting his head. ]

If I could ask you one thing? [ It was a thing, he knew, to dare to ask... ] Don't sing for him.

[ He does not deserve it. ]

No.

He'd die quietly.

[She doesn't have a song for him, anyway. No words would do him justice, or injustice; no words would be right.]

Good.

[ Go out with a whimper, says Harvey. ]

sixteen ♢ spam & voice

[inmate filter] cw; past suicidal ideation mentioned

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