Abigail Hobbs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
versusnurture) wrote2014-05-21 11:07 pm
versusnurture) wrote2014-05-21 11:07 pm
Entry tags:
- [ ben ],
- [ ceres ],
- [ derek powers / blight ],
- [ hannibal ],
- [ harvey dent / two-face ],
- [ mindy ],
- ] or did you hunt,
- always the possibility of murder later,
- ben & the blue lady,
- capable of greatness,
- ceres is mercifulish,
- collecting dads like they're pokemon,
- collecting gothamites like they're pokem,
- couldn't protect me in this life,
- derek powers knows power,
- explain the logistics of space prison,
- gathering data,
- granted eternal bliss,
- i have seen sights & been scared,
- i will speak the truth,
- i'm worried about nightmares,
- it's people,
- some die young,
- survey says,
- there are no rosehips,
- very smart girls grow up,
- what am i now?,
- who cares i'm dead
sixteen ♢ spam & voice
infirmary spam } after mirror barge
[Dying the second time . . . honestly, it wasn't as bad. This feels like a strange thing to think, but it's most of what she thinks in those days of the death toll that feel like death isn't quite over yet.]
[The difference is, her first death, her real one, was intimate. This was a mercy, sort of, and she doesn't totally regret it, but it wasn't. It wasn't.]
[The same.]
[It wasn't family.]
[She lies back in the infirmary bed and stares at the ceiling with a soft smile. It's very impersonal here, but that's a relief in its own way, too. She's not the only person who died, not by a long shot. She's not the person most choose to focus their attentions on.]
[She can just rest.]
spam } blight
[It's a few days after everything clicks back into shape that Abigail works up the energy needed for speech. She doesn't go back to her cabin, although she sort of wants to. There are pros and cons to everything, she thinks, and the pros of staying in the infirmary outweigh the cons by far.]
[Blight is here, for example. She can see him from across the room. His presence makes her feel safe, in a backwards way, simply because she knows he isn't what he was. He will not protect her, but he will be reeling as much as anyone else. Maybe more. He doesn't seem like a man who likes to lose control.]
[One more day, and she hoists herself up out of the bed and makes her way over to his. A soft, quick smile - an exhausted one.]
Who got you?
spam } hannibal
[She knows he isn't welcome in the infirmary. That's part of the reason she stayed. But halfway through her stay, she did begin to regret it. Because . . .]
[This death lacked intimacy. That's one reason. No one sang her songs. No one told her everything was going to be all right. No one apologized. There was no sense of closure.]
[And because he frightens her at the same time he comforts her. Because the uncertainty and insecurity of her relationship with Hannibal Lecter is secured with a love that doesn't seem to die.]
[When she is well enough to walk, she walks to his cabin, and she knocks on his door.]
inmate filter } minus hannibal
I know a lot of people who are here being - punished, or whatever - they've killed people.
How many of you hunted them?
private } ceres
I'm interested in your answer especially.
[Dying the second time . . . honestly, it wasn't as bad. This feels like a strange thing to think, but it's most of what she thinks in those days of the death toll that feel like death isn't quite over yet.]
[The difference is, her first death, her real one, was intimate. This was a mercy, sort of, and she doesn't totally regret it, but it wasn't. It wasn't.]
[The same.]
[It wasn't family.]
[She lies back in the infirmary bed and stares at the ceiling with a soft smile. It's very impersonal here, but that's a relief in its own way, too. She's not the only person who died, not by a long shot. She's not the person most choose to focus their attentions on.]
[She can just rest.]
spam } blight
[It's a few days after everything clicks back into shape that Abigail works up the energy needed for speech. She doesn't go back to her cabin, although she sort of wants to. There are pros and cons to everything, she thinks, and the pros of staying in the infirmary outweigh the cons by far.]
[Blight is here, for example. She can see him from across the room. His presence makes her feel safe, in a backwards way, simply because she knows he isn't what he was. He will not protect her, but he will be reeling as much as anyone else. Maybe more. He doesn't seem like a man who likes to lose control.]
[One more day, and she hoists herself up out of the bed and makes her way over to his. A soft, quick smile - an exhausted one.]
Who got you?
spam } hannibal
[She knows he isn't welcome in the infirmary. That's part of the reason she stayed. But halfway through her stay, she did begin to regret it. Because . . .]
[This death lacked intimacy. That's one reason. No one sang her songs. No one told her everything was going to be all right. No one apologized. There was no sense of closure.]
[And because he frightens her at the same time he comforts her. Because the uncertainty and insecurity of her relationship with Hannibal Lecter is secured with a love that doesn't seem to die.]
[When she is well enough to walk, she walks to his cabin, and she knocks on his door.]
inmate filter } minus hannibal
I know a lot of people who are here being - punished, or whatever - they've killed people.
How many of you hunted them?
private } ceres
I'm interested in your answer especially.
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
He just made you help him anyway.
[inmate filter]
[It is approximately 75% accurate.]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
It's not like it matters. He's dead and he's not here, and even if he was, I don't think he'd care. He'd be beyond caring.
[inmate filter] [ cw: brief mention of rape, violence against women ]
I guess I can relate to that, too. I should care about what I did, maybe. Except I don't. Jennifer was literally a monster, and Low Shoulder were a bunch of devil-worshiping girl-murdering would-be rapists. They deserved to die.
[inmate filter]
I'm not always sorry, either. That's just how it is.
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[Will knew what she meant, too. She misses him sharply, like a knife wound in her chest, and then stamps on the feeling until it goes away.]
Do you miss it?
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
But I didn't have it for a long time before I died, too. So maybe I don't miss it as much.
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
My warden knows that, anyway. So nobody's asking me to forget.
[inmate filter]
Which one is your warden?
[inmate filter]
Do you know him?
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
I mean. Saying "I used to run track, I used to speak Spanish" is one thing. But after you've done it, after you've killed people...I'm not even talking about whether or not you keep doing it.
But once you've been there and it's changed you, can you ever stop being the person that you've become because of it?
[inmate filter]
I think he'd probably like your answer better than mine.
Maybe you can't. Maybe that's who you're always going to be. So - he's that and more, now. That's more accurate.
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]
[inmate filter]