Abigail Hobbs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
versusnurture) wrote2013-10-11 04:26 pm
versusnurture) wrote2013-10-11 04:26 pm
Entry tags:
- & i want & i want & i want,
- ] ( i was the lure ),
- ] did you fish,
- ] or did you hunt,
- a hundred motherfuckers,
- abibabble stabigail,
- always the possibility of murder later,
- bait even now,
- ben is broken,
- better not to be famous,
- can't tell me nothing,
- couldn't protect me in this life,
- dissociation for unfun & notprofit,
- hannibal bannanibal is watching,
- it's people,
- my father is a cannibal,
- my fathers are cannibals,
- she loses time sometimes,
- shoot him every minute of his life,
- the broken face,
- the liar's face,
- this is not my beautiful house,
- tweet tweet motherfuckers
fifth ♢ private + voice + spam
private/voice } ben
[She contacts her warden as soon as Hannibal makes his announcement. Last night, when she checked in, she was distant; this morning she seemed more confident. This afternoon, she's shaky, uncertain, every bone in her body trembling, it feels like.]
Ben. I lost time. [This is an excuse, she knows.]
He made me dinner, Ben.
public } voice
[She cuts the feed on, then off. On/off, on/off, in strange but rhythmic patterns like Morse code.]
[She's fishing. Questions, accusations will come - she remembers that much from last time, with her real father, with Garret Hobbs, the Shrike. She wants them now. She doesn't want to wait.]
public } spam
[She doesn't change her routine, not even slightly. Which is not to say she's not afraid: she's terrified. There's no Freddie Lounds here to publicly doctor this story, to minimize her shame. Even if there was, she honestly isn't sure she'd want that anymore.]
[So she walks the halls and accepts what comes, goes to the art room, goes to lunch, visits Ben on his shift. Sometimes she goes to the CES and forgets where she is and how time passes. Hours and hours go by as she sits under a tree with her knees pulled up to her chest.]
[This is the only vulnerability she shows, and it is accidental.]
private } zane
I know what he wants from me so I can ask him for information if that's what you want.
[It's about the Emperor, of course; she no longer has the privilege, in her own mind, of contacting Zane for any reason other than business.]
[She contacts her warden as soon as Hannibal makes his announcement. Last night, when she checked in, she was distant; this morning she seemed more confident. This afternoon, she's shaky, uncertain, every bone in her body trembling, it feels like.]
Ben. I lost time. [This is an excuse, she knows.]
He made me dinner, Ben.
public } voice
[She cuts the feed on, then off. On/off, on/off, in strange but rhythmic patterns like Morse code.]
[She's fishing. Questions, accusations will come - she remembers that much from last time, with her real father, with Garret Hobbs, the Shrike. She wants them now. She doesn't want to wait.]
public } spam
[She doesn't change her routine, not even slightly. Which is not to say she's not afraid: she's terrified. There's no Freddie Lounds here to publicly doctor this story, to minimize her shame. Even if there was, she honestly isn't sure she'd want that anymore.]
[So she walks the halls and accepts what comes, goes to the art room, goes to lunch, visits Ben on his shift. Sometimes she goes to the CES and forgets where she is and how time passes. Hours and hours go by as she sits under a tree with her knees pulled up to her chest.]
[This is the only vulnerability she shows, and it is accidental.]
private } zane
I know what he wants from me so I can ask him for information if that's what you want.
[It's about the Emperor, of course; she no longer has the privilege, in her own mind, of contacting Zane for any reason other than business.]
private
I don't care if you're not strong. But you don't care enough to listen to what's coming out of my mouth, much less think that I might change. You don't think that seeing other people in pain because of what the man I've been calling my father did might have had an effect. What would have happened, do you think, if your warden had thought you incapable of change and uncaring?
This was about the Emperor's safety and your sadness and you made it, somehow, about my weakness. About letting. I wanted your forgiveness but I don't anymore, not after this, not when it's clear you only think I can only ever be bait.
Go to hell, Zane.
[She hangs up.]