versusnurture | twenty-nine ♢ private & video

private } ben

[She's shaking-angry when she goes to sleep, but when she wakes up the next morning, it's like everything's gone. Resentment lives under her skin, but she isn't consumed anymore, like she might go up if the flame of her anger isn't doused. She feels safe. She feels whole.]

[She gets up, goes to the bathroom, washes her face and brushes her teeth on autopilot. She's already gotten used to having a bathroom off of her cabin. It's amazing how little time it took, how used she is to something that was a luxury a month ago.]

[As she turns to head out the door to meet Scott at the clinic, her fingers brush across the Go stone, Ben's item, to pick it up, to take it with her - and she freezes.]

[It's ice cold.]

[In a flash, she's dropped it on the floor, run out of her cabin, and slammed the door. She pulls out her communicator with shaking fingers, calling the only person she trusts to help her in this situation.]

Ben? I need you.

private } elena

[This is the part she was dreading. She tries not to, though. She knows that what Elena said before is true. They're both strong people, and they can only get stronger with time. Nobody can keep them down anymore.]

Elena? I need to talk to you.

video

[Everything is, in its own way, a production. Even this. She's posed herself carefully, sitting on her bed and framed in light from the window, so that she looks older, more poised than she feels. What she feels is afraid. Overwhelmed. Not ready.]

[But she has to be ready, which is why she makes herself smile like nothing and nobody can touch her anymore.]

I'm not as good at telling stories as Ben is. But I want to tell this one, if that's okay, because it's important to me. Some of you know it. If you do, I hope it's all right that I repeat it.

[She looks down for a moment, at her hands where they twist together in her lap, and then up at the camera. The smile reaches her eyes, now, because she can feel the strength coming, making her spine straighter and her breath come smoother.]

Just over two years ago now - two years ago for me - my dad died. He'd killed a bunch of girls who looked just like me, and I had helped him. Because I didn't know what else to do, mostly, and because if I didn't, he said he was going to kill me, too.

I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done. I didn't want anybody to think badly of me. I worked so hard to keep myself safe that I ended up killing somebody else, and then . . .

Some of you remember Hannibal.

[She clears her throat, forces her hands to flatten out on the bed beside her.]

It's so easy to trust the wrong person. It's so easy. I trusted so many of them, and I got so many people hurt. I want to apologize, but most of the people I hurt are gone now. For those of you who are still here, I'd take it back if I could. I'm sorry for making the wrong decision.

But I'm not sorry for surviving.

[Now her eyes blaze with confidence, her words coming stronger with every breath.]

Ben saved my life. You all saved my life. So thank you. I'm going now.

I'm going to kill Hannibal.

[She hopes beyond hope that he comes back here. But that part she won't say out loud, just biting her lip, smiling, waving - and killing the feed.]

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[Elena can't keep her mixed feelings about that hidden. Her stomach twists at hearing that, her gaze dropping as her brow furrows. She understands. She does. She wanted to kill Katherine herself for a while after everything that happened, but she stopped herself from doing it. She realized it wouldn't undo everything Katherine did to her and it wasn't her responsibility to put Katherine down either.]

[But it's not the same situation by a long-stretch, and she has to acknowledge that.]

[And, admittedly, it makes Elena a little afraid. She's scared that Abigail will get in over her head or that she'll get caught. That she'll just lose everything all over again over someone that isn't worth all of that. She doesn't look up, but keeps her voice even.]

How?

By brute force.

[She has no qualms about showing her anger, here, her intensity; her brow furrows and she leans forward, as if sharing secrets. Which, to her, this is. She even debated not telling Elena, because it's all too important to ever get back to Hannibal somehow, but - she can't keep a secret from her. Not her.]

He killed me. Twice. He won't be expecting me. When he sees me, he'll underestimate me. Where I'll get into trouble is if I allow myself to be drawn into his games. I won't give him time for that. I'm just going to attack.

Monsters have less power over you if you show them you're not afraid.

[Elena's sigh is a shaky one. She knows she's happier somewhere that Abigail's telling her this instead of hiding it, but she almost wishes she didn't know. She's worried. She's afraid of what this will do to Abigail. She's still looking down, but squeezes her eyes shut, pursing her lips into a thin, tight line.]

God, Abigail... [she breathes, opening her eyes and lifting her head.] I want to say I'm okay with this, but...

[She purses her lips again, swallowing hard.]

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just going to tell you to be careful.

[Her smile is thin and small, but no less genuine for that, her eyes wide and open and honest. Nothing can sway her from this path. Nothing can make her change her mind. Not because it's revenge, but because it's what she has to do to survive. To save Will. To make her world a safe place again.]

[To take back her story.]

[She takes Elena's hand between both of hers and gives her a light kiss on the cheek, her lips barely brushing the softness of Elena's skin.]

You don't have to be okay with it. I won't change my mind. I just wanted to let you know what was going to happen.

I'll find way to send word to you that I'm okay, afterwards. I won't get hurt. I'll be careful.

[Elena nods, but she can't quite find it in herself to smooth the crease in her brow. Part of her wonder if it's fair of her to feel this way. That she should be more on board with Abigail doing what she needs to do. But she backed down from their plan for a reason and that's not something Elena's willing to change in herself, not even for Abigail.]

[Instead, she tries to push past it, trying at a weak smile.]

I'm gonna miss you.

[To Elena's weak smile, Abigail gives a bright one, bright and warm and confident.]

I'm going to miss you, too.

But we're going to be okay.

We are, [Elena agrees softly.]

[She can't make herself return the same bright smile as Abigail, so she settles for pulling her in for another tight hug. Just another chance to be close to her and let her senses be filled with everything Abigail.]

You're gonna be great.

We're gonna be great.

[She hugs Elena tightly, promising herself that she'll remember this forever: the way she feels under her hands, the way her body moves, the way she smells, the way she talks. Elena will be in her mind and in her heart forever.]

[Elena draws a sharp inhale at Abigail's use of the word "we." She doesn't suppose there is going to really be a "we" anymore. Not after today. It's a bigger pain than Elena's known in a long while and yet there's something incredibly familiar about it all the same. But that's not something that she wants to dwell upon right now.]

You probably have other people to tell, but can they wait? Just for another hour.

[It's delaying. It's prolonging it. It's going to probably make it harder for Elena to let go. It's also probably going to make it harder for Abigail to walk away. She knows it's horribly selfish. But she wants just a little more time with her. In this room. Just the two of them. No one and nothing else. Because Elena will make it count, if nothing else.]

[She looks up at Elena, a shocking amount of wisdom in her eyes. She knows exactly what Elena is doing; she knows it's a bad idea. But she also knows that it's what she wants, and she can stand to indulge herself a little bit, now. It might be bad, but it's not the worst thing she's ever done, and maybe - maybe they both deserve it.]

I'll wait as long as you want to have me.

[Which might be a cruel thing to say. Because maybe the answer is forever. Maybe once they sit down together, they'll never get up again - never want to let go.]

[Maybe, for an hour, she can pretend they'll have eternity.]

[The answer to that is forever. Maybe not her version of forever, of course, given that it really is that long, but definitely what would count as forever for Abigail. But she knows that's neither version of forever is really possible and somewhere deep down, regardless of how much she hoped for it, she knew that was the case. She just wasn't about to hesitate and let someone she wanted slip by her completely. She'd had enough of circumstances and other people taking control for her, thank you very much.]

[But an hour is all she asks for and all she will take. She leads Abigail over to her bed and lies down with her underneath the blankets. It's easier that way to imagine that they're in her room, her real room that no longer exists in Mystic Falls and that Abigail doesn't have to go anywhere. But if she does go, they'll see each other again tomorrow.]

twenty-nine ♢ private & video

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