versusnurture | Entries tagged with learning how to people again

( private } ben & elena; cw fire imagery )

video

[Everything is, in its own way, a production. Even this. She's posed herself carefully, sitting on her bed and framed in light from the window, so that she looks older, more poised than she feels. What she feels is afraid. Overwhelmed. Not ready.]

[But she has to be ready, which is why she makes herself smile like nothing and nobody can touch her anymore.]

I'm not as good at telling stories as Ben is. But I want to tell this one, if that's okay, because it's important to me. Some of you know it. If you do, I hope it's all right that I repeat it.

[She looks down for a moment, at her hands where they twist together in her lap, and then up at the camera. The smile reaches her eyes, now, because she can feel the strength coming, making her spine straighter and her breath come smoother.]

Just over two years ago now - two years ago for me - my dad died. He'd killed a bunch of girls who looked just like me, and I had helped him. Because I didn't know what else to do, mostly, and because if I didn't, he said he was going to kill me, too.

I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done. I didn't want anybody to think badly of me. I worked so hard to keep myself safe that I ended up killing somebody else, and then . . .

Some of you remember Hannibal.

[She clears her throat, forces her hands to flatten out on the bed beside her.]

It's so easy to trust the wrong person. It's so easy. I trusted so many of them, and I got so many people hurt. I want to apologize, but most of the people I hurt are gone now. For those of you who are still here, I'd take it back if I could. I'm sorry for making the wrong decision.

But I'm not sorry for surviving.

[Now her eyes blaze with confidence, her words coming stronger with every breath.]

Ben saved my life. You all saved my life. So thank you. I'm going now.

I'm going to kill Hannibal.

[She hopes beyond hope that he comes back here. But that part she won't say out loud, just biting her lip, smiling, waving - and killing the feed.]

How many people here actually hunt? Or fish? Self-sustaining outdoorsy things.

Next time we come to a port that's not - life or death, people being forced to kill each other, whatever. We should organize a hunting party.

private } mira

[As out of nowhere:]

I would want my new self to have her own becoming. So I would give her a weapon, and no memories at all.

spam } philip

[She isn't stupid. She realizes when she's being ignored, and not only does she dislike it, she finds it childish. If Philip wanted her to leave him alone and had a good reason for it - if he gave her the reason, she might accept it. But this, running away and hiding, it's behavior fit for a little boy, not an adult. It's the kind of thing the kid who threw snowballs at her might do, the kind of thing that the man she met ought to be better than.]

[So she sits down across from him at lunch after her shift is over and fixes him with a Look.]

Stop avoiding me.

spam } scott

[She tiptoes up on him on deck, sneaking up to put her hands over his eyes. She knows he can hear her coming, smell her, too, but they'll both just pretend he can't.]

Guess who?

spam } open

[When she's not tracking down crazy zombie killers, Abigail can be found all over the Barge. Much of her time is spent in the kitchens, where she works on the lunch shift with Ben and occasionally fills in other shifts as necessary. Most of her socializing in the dining hall is spent around the lunch shift, too, when she carefully and methodically checks in with the people she has begun to dub hers.]

[Later, she finds herself drawn inexplicably towards the art room. It's the first time in a while that she's gone near it; she used to be very anti-art therapy, but now . . . she doesn't know. It reminds her of Hannibal, and that calms her and makes her anxious all at once. She hovers outside the door for a while, not sure whether to stay or go.]

[Finally, she can be found in her room. The door is open, and music is playing from the inside. It's a waltz. She isn't dancing; just sitting on her bed, waiting. Nobody seems to be coming.]

do just what the captain says

& hang the rest

Entries tagged with learning how to people again

twenty-nine ♢ private & video

twenty-five ♢ spam & voice

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