twenty-nine ♢ private & video

[versusnurture]

private } ben

[She's shaking-angry when she goes to sleep, but when she wakes up the next morning, it's like everything's gone. Resentment lives under her skin, but she isn't consumed anymore, like she might go up if the flame of her anger isn't doused. She feels safe. She feels whole.]

[She gets up, goes to the bathroom, washes her face and brushes her teeth on autopilot. She's already gotten used to having a bathroom off of her cabin. It's amazing how little time it took, how used she is to something that was a luxury a month ago.]

[As she turns to head out the door to meet Scott at the clinic, her fingers brush across the Go stone, Ben's item, to pick it up, to take it with her - and she freezes.]

[It's ice cold.]

[In a flash, she's dropped it on the floor, run out of her cabin, and slammed the door. She pulls out her communicator with shaking fingers, calling the only person she trusts to help her in this situation.]

Ben? I need you.

private } elena

[This is the part she was dreading. She tries not to, though. She knows that what Elena said before is true. They're both strong people, and they can only get stronger with time. Nobody can keep them down anymore.]

Elena? I need to talk to you.

video

[Everything is, in its own way, a production. Even this. She's posed herself carefully, sitting on her bed and framed in light from the window, so that she looks older, more poised than she feels. What she feels is afraid. Overwhelmed. Not ready.]

[But she has to be ready, which is why she makes herself smile like nothing and nobody can touch her anymore.]

I'm not as good at telling stories as Ben is. But I want to tell this one, if that's okay, because it's important to me. Some of you know it. If you do, I hope it's all right that I repeat it.

[She looks down for a moment, at her hands where they twist together in her lap, and then up at the camera. The smile reaches her eyes, now, because she can feel the strength coming, making her spine straighter and her breath come smoother.]

Just over two years ago now - two years ago for me - my dad died. He'd killed a bunch of girls who looked just like me, and I had helped him. Because I didn't know what else to do, mostly, and because if I didn't, he said he was going to kill me, too.

I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done. I didn't want anybody to think badly of me. I worked so hard to keep myself safe that I ended up killing somebody else, and then . . .

Some of you remember Hannibal.

[She clears her throat, forces her hands to flatten out on the bed beside her.]

It's so easy to trust the wrong person. It's so easy. I trusted so many of them, and I got so many people hurt. I want to apologize, but most of the people I hurt are gone now. For those of you who are still here, I'd take it back if I could. I'm sorry for making the wrong decision.

But I'm not sorry for surviving.

[Now her eyes blaze with confidence, her words coming stronger with every breath.]

Ben saved my life. You all saved my life. So thank you. I'm going now.

I'm going to kill Hannibal.

[She hopes beyond hope that he comes back here. But that part she won't say out loud, just biting her lip, smiling, waving - and killing the feed.]

Comments

[brbculling]

Not coming back?

[The instinct of missing her is not strong as the one that says he's glad she'll be out of this place. He supposes he's getting colder.]

[versusnurture]

No. Not anytime soon.

. . . I'm sorry. [She really is. For him and a few other people, but nobody's been here longer than Arthas.]

[brbculling]

Don't be. You're escaping.

[semifreakingnormal]

[He's not sure how he feels about what she's going to do. She can graduate, and still want to kill. It doesn't - it doesn't sit well with him, but it doesn't sit poorly, either. If anyone deserves to die - really deserves it, no matter who's judging - it's the people who did this to Abigail. And after what happened, when he first arrived - he's not sure he could blame her at all. He never wants to see a tableau like that again.

But he can put that aside, all of it, because he's so happy for her. She's free. She can leave, she can do what, whatever's best for herself. He's smiling when he turns on the feed.]

Can I come see you first?

[versusnurture]

[She beams at him. He's the first person she really believed in, really believed was here for her, besides Ben. The first good person she decided she could take at his word.]

I'm not leaving without saying goodbye to you.

[semifreakingnormal]

Good. I'd be like, so hurt. [He says it like a joke, but it's totally the truth. And he is getting up to head her way, communicator still in hand.]

I'll be right there. [Seriously, right there, there's even a little extra fast movement clear in the background before he kills the feed to knock at her door.]

[fridgetothefire]

I hope you won't be offended if I say I'm proud of you.

[Charles said it to her once, those words exactly; it feels right, somehow, momentous, to pass them on, to someone she messed up with so egregiously, cares for regardless, understands deeply but sometimes sideways, often incompletely. But she's smiling enough to suggest she thinks it is unlikely.]

[versusnurture]

[Abigail matches her, smile for smile. Anya's saved her life, too, in different ways - by being too similar to her in some ways, far too different in others. The misunderstandings don't matter so much anymore. She thinks they understand each other now.]

Not even a little bit.

. . . Thank you.

private

Will you take care of him?

private

[fridgetothefire]

[It catches under her sternum, a fishhook made of summer sunshine. It's so different, now, when for two months he took such meticulous care of her. It's not just of course or always anymore; sometimes, demonstrably, she can't. But the level remains constant - they always take care of each other.]

...I will.

[orderfromchaos]

You're amazing.

[versusnurture]

I know.

[Now, she knows.]

Can I come say goodbye to Beckett? [Just to Beckett, you understand. Not Dillon at all.]

[ Private ]

[warisart]

[Ben is doing better recently, so much better; he is worn in a way he wasn't before they were all swept off to the mirror Barge and may never lose that again, but he smiles again. He is angry in proportion, thoughtful still but willing to engage. He is better, if wary of all that is going on now.

Other ways the past few months show on him: how quickly he goes sharp - and how sharp he goes - when he receives the message.]

Where are you?

[ Private ]

[versusnurture]

Outside my cabin. Something happened in there - something's wrong with your item, or with me.

Ben, I'm scared there's something wrong with me.

[She's panting heavily, on the verge of panic, trying to keep it together until he can get to her.]

[tucky]

We are graduation twins.

[versusnurture]

Does that mean we get matching bracelets or something?

private

[forgetyourusedtobe]

What's wrong? Are you alright?

private

[versusnurture]

I'm okay. I'm--

Elena, I graduated.

[thelastbullet]

I told you you were close.

Congratulations.

[versusnurture]

Thanks.

Are you going to be okay? [She's a little worried, to be totally honest.]

[americasdirtiest]

...does anyone else just really not understand the rules in this fucking place?

[versusnurture]

[She just gives him a Look.]

private, text

[imfollowinghim]

good luck.

private, text

[versusnurture]

thank you. I appreciate it.

[bodilesswarrior]

[She doesn't grin quite as brightly as she did for Tiffany - she just doesn't know Abigail as well - but it's warm and admiring.]

Congratulations.

[Private]

[It fades to something grimmer, as she switches the feed.]

About killing Hannibal - do you have a plan?

private

[versusnurture]

I have a plan. I'd prefer not to share it, if it's all the same to you.